My First Blogged Bemusement

It suddenly hit me. I'm a coward. I run from everything regarding one unique excuse, I can do better than this. It's just a lie. There is no such thing as good and better, there is just the fact of being content with yourself. That is what makes something exclusively right for you. And this I do know, you can not fill in a void with something else. It's like fitting a cube in a sphere. You can try as hard as you want, but it won't make any difference. That is what I've been doing all along. You think you can go back to the way it used to be. I'm starting to corroborate the veracity of my theories. Once you've opened some space in your timetable to delegate, you can't go back. At that precise moment the neverending search comences. You'll believe you've conquered it at times, but it won't be long till it's over and you continue pursuing that piece that's missing. The truth is nothing ever existed, you're just looking for something you never knew about. People find so many different ways to stuff the empty. If I may say ignorants have an easier task. Understanding has dual sharpness to it, but at the same time I'm grateful I don't lack of it. I have no wish to live a shallow life. Rather be profound and thoughtful, even if it costs me some moments of despair. I'm afraid, now that I come to think about it, I've retraced my bewilderment elsewhere. A certain remorse came along with it. Some more burden to carry I guess. When I look at this, myself, my thoughts from a different perspective I can't help but think I get so caught up in such trains of thought. I should just avoid them. Play ignorant for some time. But at the same time you know, if you do so, these little things will manifest anyways, whether through unwanted habits or inexplicable sorrow. Better confront it I guess, even if you know you won't actually find any answers. In some strange way it lightens you up a bit. It's hard to be distracted all day long, specially when your just waiting for something in particular that's weeks away. This was the reason I wanted school to start on vacations, to get away from my obstuse mind. You can't run away forever. However, at the same time, it never ends. You just confront it over and over. The solution to everything is to have a busy life, unless you have that special someone I guess. I sure know that distracts you a whole lot, if not entirely. Three whole weeks to burn, twenty one days each holding aproximately fourteen hours of conciousness. Then we have a whole new beggining, my secret little excuse.